In My World
by Alice Twerkland
Summary: It's hard to look to the future when your link to the past is suddenly gone. Fem!Edward, Fem!Alphonse
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: _I was trying to write another chapter of The Secrets We Keep and this was born. Whoops.

* * *

Alex remembers growing up on the streets quite clearly. There was no "before homelessness" for her, just then and there, sleeping behind dumpsters, pick-pocketing from ditzy women in their thirties who were too engrossed with their phone conversations to notice they were being robbed, and running from the police if one person just so happened to notice something was amiss; or if Alex screwed up somehow, which was usually the case.

With Ed, it was another story entirely. She was a whole five years older than Alex, street wise and confident in a way her younger sister couldn't hope to replicate, though she never quite learned to find peace with it the way Alex did. Ed remembered how it felt to have a home, to have a bed to sleep in every night with clean sheets and downy pillows. She remembered their parents, their neighbors, and it was her memories that never allowed her to find sanctuary in the dirtied alleyways of their city.

Her older sister taught her how to be a thief, though her golden eyes always seemed to grow distant whenever Alex pulled off a small heist without a hitch. "You see that person over there, Al?" Ed would ask, pointing subtly toward a woman or man who obviously lived for the finer things in life. "What would you do if you were lookin' for food money and you came across them first?"

"I'd take whatever."

"Why?"

"Because we need it more than they do."

No matter how often Ed denied it, she was a good person. She stole when necessary and only from those who probably wouldn't miss what was being taken too terribly – though, really, who were they to judge? – and she always encouraged Alex to do the same. She tried to take on small jobs, but no one wanted to employ a thirteen-year-old with only a third grade education. Alex remembers seeing Ed's dejected expressions whenever leaving an establishment, usually small convenient stores, though she would always smirk when she caught Alex watching, tossing her younger sister whatever treat she'd managed to steal while inside.

Ed had seemed fearless back then. She took on so much responsibility at so young an age, and she was always a person Alex looked up to. Pessimistic though she was, Ed braved every day with a smile, all too happy to go dumpster diving if they found themselves without even a quarter. She made being homeless fun, and Alex never wanted for anything growing up, wasn't aware that there could be anything out there that would keep her as happy and loved as her older sister did.

Alex didn't know it then, but she was the only one who'd been content with the way things were.

They managed to survive on what they stole for years until people started wising up to their scams. Bulletins were posted about the two blonde children roaming the streets, preying on the innocent, and the sisters had to lay low. After a while, it was difficult for even Ed to pull something off, and things began to fall apart. Alex remembers a period when there wasn't much to eat, not that there ever really was, that lasted almost two weeks. She thinks that must have been her sister's breaking point, when Ed realized that if she didn't do something soon, they weren't going to make it.

Alex was too young to know what was happening, but she did notice when her sister started disappearing during the night. Ed would direct Alex to their normal place and sit her down against the wall, pulling anxiously at her ragged jean jacket while she glared down at Alex. "You stay put. Don't talk to _anybody_, not even if they seem nice, and don't go anywhere until I come back. Got it?"

"Where are you going, Sister?"

"Nowhere important. You won't even notice I'm gone."

Alex did notice, and she shivered her way through countless nights without her older sister at her side, forcing herself to stay awake lest someone come and try to take her away. Ed always warned her about adults realizing they didn't have parents and coming to separate them. Alex didn't want that. Her sister was all she had, and she was going to stay with her, no matter what. That first night Ed left, she didn't come back until an hour or so before dawn, and while Alex swears her older sister was crying, it may have been just a dream or a trick of the light.

Ed had only been thirteen.

* * *

Things got better after that. Alex happily devoured any food her sister happened to present her with, not old enough to even think about questioning why sustenance was suddenly available again, her only thought being _eat and eat fast_. Ed seemed to be happier once Alex's cheeks started to fill out again, and her face was always soft with relief and a hint of pride whenever Alex denied more, claiming she was stuffed.

Sometimes Ed had enough money to get a hotel room for a night or two, and while the desk clerks always eyed them warily, no one ever put up a fuss. Alex still doesn't understand why. Looking back, she thinks that anyone who stared into her older sister's eyes should've known that something wasn't right.

They had a routine. During the day, Ed and Alex were together, walking through the busy streets of a town that didn't seem to know they existed now that they weren't stealing as often. Sometimes they would go to the park, but Ed always grew nervous when women would try to play guessing games as to which child belonged to which parent. Of course, no one ever claimed the girls – _they do seem really thin, Amy, especially the younger one – _and Alex never protested when Ed grabbed her hand and quickly led her away.

At night, Alex was on her own. Ed would disappear after sundown, leaving Alex to her own devices for hours at a time. The younger girl would try to sleep, curled up in a ball and listening to the sounds of the city around her, but everything was harder without Ed around, even sleeping.

One morning, when Ed was walking with a slight limp and Alex was struggling to stay awake, exhausted from yet another night alone, a voice called out to them. "Edith Hoenheim?"

Ed paused in the middle of the sidewalk, her fingers tightening on Alex's hand to the point of pain, and Alex looked up in a daze, just noticing the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy that had appeared almost out of nowhere. "Holy shit." He choked out, almost on the verge of tears as he glanced from Ed to Alex and back again. "I never thought – "

He couldn't go on, and since Ed wasn't saying anything, Alex's curiosity got the better of her. "Sister?" She whispered, tugging on the sleeve of Ed's red sweater. She'd been wearing long-sleeved shirts she'd find at shelters a lot, despite the fact that it was summer time. "Who is he?"

"You're confused." Ed said tonelessly, outwardly composed, though Alex could feel her sister shaking. "You must think I'm someone else."

"No, I – Eddie, come on, _don't_ do this to me, we thought you were dead!"

"You're confused." Ed said again, stronger this time, and Alex remembers glancing up at her sister's face, seeing the ferocity in her expression. "You're scaring my sister."

Alex wasn't scared, not really, though she shied behind her sister slightly when the boy shifted his gaze to her again. She knew that this boy and her sister were connected, somehow, but Alex didn't know him at all. She thought about that name – Hoenheim – and felt nothing. Did that mean something to Ed?

The boy frowned and opened his mouth to speak again, but Ed jerked forward, shaking off Alex's hand to stand face to face with the stranger, whispering to him fiercely. Alex couldn't hear what was being said, though the boy's face grew grave, the same face Ed always made whenever she came back in the mornings. He nodded slightly and started to turn, probably to leave, but he gave Ed a quick hug before walking away, gone almost as quickly as he'd appeared.

"Sister?" Alex said after a few moments. "That boy knew who you were, but… he called you Edith Hoenheim. Isn't our last name Elric?"

"Yes." Ed snapped, whipping around so quickly her blonde ponytail smacked her in the face. Alex was afraid then, because she'd never seen her sister so angry before. All it took was that name. Hoenheim. "He was confused. Some people want something so desperately that they project their feelings onto others. That's all it was, Al, a misunderstanding."

It was such a blatant lie, and Alex knew it. She wanted to say something, because she was eleven at that point and was tired of all the secrets, but Ed looked so tired, and she was limping back to Alex's side, so the young girl stayed quiet and allowed her sister to lead her down the sidewalk once more.

* * *

Alex never saw the boy again, though his sudden appearance changed her life in more ways than she could've ever imagined. Ed grew distant after that, started disappearing during the day as well as the night, and Alex felt as if she were losing her sister, though she couldn't fathom why. Ed grew snappish with her, told her to stay put more often, and one night, Alex had had enough.

She followed Ed when she tried to leave Alex next to their dumpster, and she was hiding behind a payphone, watching her sister when a red car pulled up at the curb in front of Ed. Alex thought nothing of it until Ed moved forward, and she watched with bated breath as the window rolled down, and Ed leaned over, almost too far, speaking to the driver with a small smirk on her face.

Alex had seen enough.

When Ed returned in the morning, Alex was awake, staring listlessly at the pavement and hugging her knees tightly to her chest. "You all right?" Ed asked, and Alex noticed a bruise on her sister's neck. "You don't look so good."

"My stomach hurts." Alex said, and it wasn't a lie. At eleven, she understood the concept of prostitutes and what they did, and the knowledge that her sister was one, just to keep Alex alive and fed…

"You want me to go to the drug store and get you some medicine?"

"No, I – "

"You know what, I'm gonna go anyway. Sit tight, Al, I'll be right back."

Alex didn't say anything. She allowed her sister to walk the streets at night because she didn't know what else to do, was too afraid to tell her sister that she knew how she made her living. She didn't want Ed to feel ashamed, because she was so brave, the bravest person Alex knew, and Ed shouldn't have had to feel guilty for surviving. Something had forced them out on the streets, something Alex couldn't remember, but if Ed thought being a prostitute was preferable to going back to their previous life, Alex wasn't going to question her.

But the knowledge of what her sister was doing and why ate away at Alex, and it quickly became too much for her to keep bottled up.

About a year after they saw that boy, when Alex was twelve and Ed was seventeen, Alex followed her sister after sundown again, though this time she made her presence known before Ed could disappear.

"Sister." Ed had gasped so loudly it was almost comical, though the look on her face, the look of a criminal caught in the act, was anything but. "I want to help you."

All color had drained from Ed's face, and that expression of complete horror is still with Alex to this day. "You – "

"You weren't much older than me when you started, right?" Alex mumbled, clutching at her elbow and watching the streets nervously for any slowing cars. "I mean, maybe, if it were the two of us – "

Ed had seen her fair share of fights on the streets. She had faded scars on her face and hands from quarreling with other street dwellers over clothes, money, and food, and Alex couldn't count on her hands how many times she'd had to bandage her sister's wounds. Growing up, Ed did all the fighting while Alex was forced to stay back – she even carried a box-cutter with her everywhere they went – so when Ed descended upon her that night, slapping her with all she had, Alex wasn't sure how to react.

But Ed was horrified enough for the both of them, staring at Alex in absolute shock, holding her probably stinging hand tightly to her chest. Alex had never seen her sister so vulnerable before, and to be honest, it scared her far more than the scathing blow had been. Ed regained her wits eventually, turning away from her younger sister with a devastated look on her face, the blonde wisps of her bangs obscuring most of her face from view. "Go home, Alexandra."

Ed came back earlier than usual that night, sporting bruised knuckles and a busted lip, her blonde hair falling in disarray around her bony shoulders. Alex didn't say a word as Ed settled down beside her, digging the heels of her palms into her eyes and smearing her cheap mascara over her cheeks. "I could've helped you if I'd been there."

"I don't want you seeing me like that." Ed said miserably, drawing her knees to her chest slowly and wrapping her arms around them, swallowing thickly. "I'm so sorry I hit you, Alex, but I couldn't just… let you make that decision. You wouldn't want to do what I do. Men are absolutely vile."

"Then why do _you_ do it?"

"Because I promised Mom I'd take care of you." Ed said. It was the first and last time she spoke of their mother. "She'd roll over in her grave if I let her baby give herself up to some sleazy businessman."

Alex never tried to follow after her sister again, though her desire to know what had happened in their past grew with each passing day.

* * *

Everything seemed to be at a standstill for a while after that. Ed continued to work at night, her earnings piling up until she and Alex could afford to actually live in one of the motels they frequented. She started to get more tired the older she got, and the better part of Alex's days were spent watching television while Ed slept soundly in bed beside her.

Alex was just as exhausted as her sister back in those days, despite the fact that she finally had a real bed to sleep in for the first time in, well... ever. Sometimes she worried about Ed, about who she was being exposed to and whether or not she would make it back to her in one piece at the end of the night, though Ed never failed to burst through the door every morning, hands in the pockets of her jeans and singing off-key to some song she'd heard, seventeen years old, dying on the inside and a master at hiding it.

On the first morning Ed didn't show up, Alex thought nothing of it. Her sister had warned her that some wanted her company long after the sun rose in the morning, but that she would never be gone longer than a day. Alex had never known her older sister to break a promise, so she took a little of the money Ed left with her, locked the door of their motel room behind her, and walked to a diner to eat lunch by herself.

She stayed until a group of teenage boys took notice of her, whispering amongst themselves as they observed the blonde girl sitting alone in a booth. Alex knew she wasn't beautiful, but she wasn't exactly hard to look at either, and since it had only been a few hours since her last shower, not a few days, the boys were probably looking past her plain clothes and trying to determine if they'd seen her around before. Alex left the diner before someone worked up the nerve to approach her, expecting to find Ed waiting for her, but was instead greeted with silence and an empty motel room.

Alex watched television for hours, a pastime she usually enjoyed, though she kept glancing at the door every five minutes. People walked past the windows, none of them being Ed, and by the time the sun set that night, Alex was sick to her stomach with worry. There was no way to contact her sister and no one Alex could go to for help. She was completely and utterly alone.

She slept fitfully, waking up at odd intervals throughout the night, and when she did finally rouse in the morning, it was to the sound of the door being opened. She frowned sleepily, eyes fluttering open as she prepared to give Ed a piece of her mind, but froze. It wasn't her sister who had just walked in, but a man, a man with black hair and impossibly dark eyes that chased any ounce of sleep out of Alex's body.

"Hey, hold on a second." The man said when Alex flailed in the bed, reaching underneath her pillow to pull out the knife Ed insisted she keep, gripping the hilt in both of her trembling hands to point it at the intruder. "There's no need for that."

"Get out!" Alex screeched, scrambling back against the headboard as the man took a step closer. "I'll call the police!"

"I'm not here to harm you, Alexandra." The man said slowly, holding up a card key that Alex recognized. She'd seen it in Ed's hand just the other day. "My name is Roy Mustang. Your sister Edith sent me."

Alex's jaw slackened, but her grip on the knife only tightened. There was no way her sister had sent this man. Ed always told her to be wary of everyone, to never trust a person unless Ed herself was there to tell her it was all right. Ed wouldn't just give someone direct access to Alex unless…

"Where is she?" Alex demanded, her voice cracking with effort. "Where is my sister?"

The man didn't say anything, and the knife slipped from Alex's hands.

* * *

The slaughter of the Hoenheim family was a well known story within the community.

The patriarch, Van Hoenheim, had been away on a business trip when someone broke into his home and killed his wife Trisha and their two daughters, eight-year-old Edith and three-year-old Alexandra. A neighbor had reported the crime, a school friend of Edith's named Wes Rockbell, who'd stopped by to invite the young girl to play only to find the front door open, the stench of blood thick in the air.

Everyone knew how gruesome a scene the young boy had walked in on, how Trisha had been laying on the floor outside Alexandra's nursery, holding a phone in one hand, the number of her brother's cell phone dialed, though the call never made it through. It was a grotesque, unnecessary crime with no obvious motive, though many suspected that Hoenheim, a business tycoon known for his company's cutthroat methods, had acquired a few enemies in the many years he'd been in the business, enemies that wouldn't hesitate to hurt his family.

The bodies of the girls were never recovered – some speculated that they were killed shortly after they were kidnapped, the bodies dumped – but what they didn't know was that Edith and Alexandra Hoenheim were still very much alive.

Alex doesn't know how they survived. Roy only knew what the investigations unit and media had told him, and Ed wasn't around to fill in the missing pieces. Maybe she'd always be in the dark about what had happened to them when they were children.

What she does know is this: Ed left the motel on that last night, and instead of going to work, she went to the house of their mom's brother, Roy Mustang. Ed had remembered him, looked up his address, and took a bus to a town nearly two hours away, though when Roy's wife Riza answered the door when she heard the knocking, the only thing the woman found was an envelope containing a card key, an address, a room number, and two small letters, one addressed to Roy and the other to Alex.

Roy explained the situation in the motel that day, that Ed had told him in her short letter to find Alex and take care of her, to make sure she got off the streets and had a chance for the bright future their mother had always wanted for her, a future that, apparently, didn't involve Edith.

In her letter to Alex, less detailed but more heartfelt than the one to Roy, Ed had expressed how sorry she was for having to leave, that she wanted Alex off the streets and would come back whenever she could. "_I realized I wasn't a good influence on you." _Her sister had written. _"You were willing to become a prostitute because I was too scared to go back to how things used to be." _Alex doesn't know why Ed was so scared, what their old home life was like, though she does know that Roy doesn't speak very highly of Van Hoenheim._ "You always followed after me, even when we were kids and you could barely walk on your own, and that terrified me. I've always been getting us into trouble. You mean everything to me, Alexandra, and even if you hate me for this, I know you'll be better off with Roy. I love you, little sister, more than you'll ever know."_

Alex didn't understand, couldn't even process her thoughts as Roy gathered what little she had and hustled her to his car, driving two hours to his home where his wife was waiting, her eyes sad and mouth set in a firm line as she watched her husband guide the terrified girl into their home in the suburbs.

It's kind of funny how quickly things can change. One day Alex was a street rat and the next she was living with her somewhat uncle and his wife. She quickly learned they were very nice, smart, and capable people, both police officers with no children and a dog called Black Hayate, but it took her a while to become comfortable with them.

She took walks with Hayate while Roy and Riza were at work and stayed in her bedroom when they got home, unsure of where she stood with them, how they felt about her. Even with Ed, the thought of being a burden was something that bothered Alex the most. Roy and his wife had taken her in because Ed asked them to, but did they even want her?

Alex didn't know the answer to that until a few weeks after she'd started living with the Mustangs, when she caught Roy looking through an old photo album.

She walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, thinking that Roy and Riza had gone to bed, but she'd heard a voice. "You want to see a picture of your mom?"

Alex, to her credit, didn't jump and shriek like she'd wanted to, only turned to curiously regard her uncle. "Really?"

The man nodded, smiling slightly as he pulled out the chair at the table next to him, gesturing for Alex to take a seat. Once she had, Roy pointed at what looked to be a family portrait. Alex assumed the woman in the back to be the mother, a tall, thick woman with wrinkles and a somewhat forced smile on her face, like she hadn't even wanted to be in the picture in the first place. The boy in front of her was obviously Roy, smiling in a way Alex hadn't seen him do in all the weeks she'd spent living with him. His hair was dark and unruly, his cheeks were tinted red, and there were band aids littered over his bony knees and elbows.

When Alex finally shifted her gaze to the girl standing tall next to Roy, it took her a moment to recognize her as her mother. She wasn't really sure what she'd been expecting. Her mom didn't have blonde hair or unusually golden eyes, so she and Ed must have gotten it from their dad. No, this little girl was a brunette with forest green eyes and a warm smile. She was beautiful, and Alex studied the girl's face, trying to see any bit of herself in her mom. She honed in on the girl's mouth, and Alex caught herself relaxing at she looked at the soft, enticing grin, could imagine this person being a loving mother; but then she jolted in her seat when she realized she'd seen that smile before.

"You okay?" Roy said as tears slid down Alex's cheeks, landing on the photos that were thankfully protected by a layer of plastic.

Alex sniffed, wiping at her face with the sleeve of her sweater, given to her by Riza. "Edith has Mom's smile."

"There wasn't a moment when Trisha wasn't smiling." Roy said, looking as if he wanted to comfort Alex somehow but not sure how to go about it. "She had that way about her."

"You guys don't look much alike."

"Both of us lost our parents when we were kids. We lived in a foster home together for a few years before our mom, Chris Mustang, adopted the both of us. She really only came to get me, but I wouldn't leave without Trisha." Roy paused to laugh for a moment, and when Alex sneaked a peak at him, his eyes were sad.

Alex couldn't help herself. "Were you there when Ed and I were born?"

"With Edith, yes." Roy said, and he turned to the next page of the photo album. Alex noticed a cake, her mom's shining eyes as she blew out the candles. "I never cared much for your father, but he made Trisha happy, so what could I say? Your sister was definitely a handful. She was fussy with anyone who wasn't Mom, Trisha, or Riza." So, her sister had never liked men, then. "But when Edith was three, Trisha and Van moved and we never heard from them again. We didn't even know Trisha had another daughter until I responded to the call Wes Rockbell had made to the police about the murder."

Alex always wondered why no one had ever looked for them, and after Ed disappeared, her questions only multiplied, as well as her feelings of anger. She and Ed never had to hide. They walked the streets and no one even looked twice at the two of them. Alex now knew that the boy she and Ed had run into so many years ago had been Wes Rockbell. Why hadn't Wes told anyone that he'd seen them, and what had her sister whispered to him to get him to stay quiet? If their mother's murder had been covered in such detail, hadn't their pictures been displayed over the television? Why hadn't anyone recognized them?

"Did you ever look?" She asked quietly, noting that Hayate had joined them and was lying at her feet. "Or did everyone just assume we'd died?"

"We caught the man who took you." Roy admitted, and Alex stiffened, because while she'd heard the story, no one had ever mentioned that the killer had been found. "His name was Shou Tucker, and he admitted to killing Trisha and the two of you when he was questioned. He was an old employee of your father's, and after he was fired, he somehow convinced himself that if he killed Van's family, he would get his wife and daughter back, who left after he was no longer able to support them. We found your hair fibers and a little of Edith's blood in the back of his car, and we had no reason to believe you and Edith were alive, but… I always wondered. He knew every single detail about the crime scene and was always willing to repeat everything to us, but when it came to you two, he never had anything to say."

"Sister must remember." Alex said. "She has to, but she never said anything."

"Maybe it was to protect you." Roy commented, almost to himself. He was staring at the photo album again. It was her mom in the hospital, exhausted but still smiling as she held a screaming baby in her arms. "Tucker was… a demented man. I don't want to imagine the things you two might have seen while in his company."

* * *

Her miraculous return didn't go unnoticed, and Roy and Riza couldn't just hide their supposedly dead niece forever. The media had a field day with it – _One of two heirs to the Hoenheim fortune has been found!_ – but no one dared to approach the Mustang household to interview her, especially when Riza was home. Alex knew Roy was waiting for the day when Van Hoenheim came to collect her, though he never showed, and Alex wasn't sure if she was grateful or not.

They placed her in school once it became clear that Alex wasn't going anywhere any time soon. Thanks to Ed and the public libraries they'd frequented, Alex was exactly where she was supposed to be education wise. Alex loved to learn and had been taught to read and write by Ed when she was younger, but school was anything but fun. To the other kids, she was the girl who'd died and come back to life, and everyone was weary of her. She was teased, didn't know how to interact with other kids her age, was used to it being just she and Ed.

Truthfully, she felt too old for her classmates. She'd lived on the streets all her life, and when the kids in her class complained about taking notes or doing a project, it made her blood boil, because they had no idea how lucky they were. Her silence came off as "bitchiness", and no one really liked her. Not that she minded any. She had Roy, Riza, Black Hayate, and her grandma, as well as an older sister who Alex still loved, despite the fact that she'd left.

She spent her free time wondering when Ed was going to come back. She'd promised she would, someday, but Alex wasn't sure how soon someday was. She didn't understand why Ed was staying away, why she couldn't just live with Roy and Riza as well. Riza told her once that Edith was trying to "better herself," though Alex didn't think her sister needed to do that. So what if she'd turned to prostitution when things got tough? It didn't make her a bad person.

Maybe Alex was just too young to understand, though she felt like an adult most days. Roy teased her for being so serious all the time, and Alex would just stare out the window, watching for a person she didn't know if she'd ever see again.

On Alex's fourteenth birthday, there was a knock at the front door.

She was up in her room doing homework, and she didn't bother to get up, having heard Riza go downstairs to answer it; but when she called for Roy, and then Roy started raising his voice, Alex was drawn out of her room.

Alex descended the stairs slowly, running her hand over the railing as she ducked her head down, trying to see who it was before she reached the last step. "You have some nerve showing up here." Roy was saying. His voice was stone cold. "She's been back for almost a year and you haven't tried to contact her, not even once. What kind of father – "

Hayate alerted everyone to Alex's presence, dashing to meet the girl once she hit the bottom step. Alex recognized the man from all the pictures Roy had shown her, though the man standing in the doorway looked older and more weathered than the one in the photographs.

Their eyes met, and Alex was struck by how much that man resembled her sister. They made the same face when they were trying to be stoic, when they were in pain. Roy and Riza said nothing as Van Hoenheim took a step toward his daughter, though Roy tensed, as if prepared to step in should the man try to take the girl, but he didn't have to worry.

Her father reached into the pocket of his trench coat and pulled forth a paper, which Alex realized was a photo when the man offered it to her. She took it hesitantly, lifting her chin slightly as she observed the family portrait in her hand. They appeared to be a wealthy family. Even Ed, who looked… absolutely happy to be alive, was wearing a pink, ruffled dress that Alex knew her sister wouldn't be caught dead in today. Their mother was as beautiful as ever, poised and elegant as she held a baby Alex in her arms, who was sucking away at a pacifier, staring at the camera as if she wasn't quite sure what it was.

And Hoenheim. He was holding Ed, hands underneath her armpits, looking positively awkward and out of place, and he was crying. Crying in a family portrait.

Alex stared at the photograph, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she had what she wanted, proof that they'd been happy once, a family. She knew who they'd been before, Edith Rose and Alexandra Marie, but she didn't feel any different. There was an ache in her chest, one that had been there since Ed left, and staring at her older sister's childish face, so innocent and joyful, made her physically sick.

"It was the only one we had taken of all four of us." Her father said, and when Alex finally looked up at him, he was watching her intently. "I want you to have it."

"… Why does Edith hate you?"

Her father blinked, eyes glazing over as if recalling a memory. "I suppose it's because I put you all in danger."

Alex didn't think that was it, and from the look on Roy's face, he didn't believe it either. Hoenheim looked sad as he gazed at her, regretful, and Alex suddenly remembered how Edith had looked the night she slapped Alex – horrified, as if her worst nightmare had come true. Alex glanced at the photograph again, took a closer look, and could see the pain in her parents' expressions. Their home life hadn't been perfect. If Alex had to guess, she'd say that Hoenheim was crying because Trisha still loved him enough to want to take a family photo, even after everything.

"Thank you." Alex said quietly, eyes glued to the picture. "This means a lot to me."

Hoenheim nodded, his eyes stable again. "Happy birthday, Alexandra."

* * *

"He left after that, and while I saw his picture in newspapers or heard his name in passing many times, I haven't seen my father in person since then." Alex says, glancing up from her paper to look out at the faces of her classmates. Some look horrified, some subdued and others nonchalant, but Alex doesn't care. The assignment was to write an autobiography, and since she'd missed last week's assignment of writing about her hero, she decided to combine both papers into one.

Riza thought it was a good idea, Roy a bit more hesitant, and Alex is completely okay with this. As the daughter of a Hoenheim, her life has never really been private anyway. She may get in trouble for this – the subject matter isn't necessarily appropriate and it's a wonder the professor hasn't tried to stop her – but it will be worth it. Life isn't pretty most of the time.

"All in all, I have lived a difficult life thus far, but I also have many things to be grateful for, and many people that I'm blessed to have known." Alex continues, thankful that her speech is almost finished. "The store keepers who would give my sister and me free candy when we were kids, the librarians who allowed us to stay and read books even though we obviously hadn't bathed in weeks, and my uncle and his wife, who didn't have to take me in, yet did so out of the kindness of their own hearts. I'll never forget any of them or anything they did for me, but the fact still remains that I'm alive today because of a single person, someone who got me off the streets, taught me how to read and write, pick pockets, and effectively smile through the pain."

Alex smiles then, almost subconsciously, and the kids in the front row straighten up, as if they're expecting something from her. "My sister, Edith Rose Elric, will forevermore be my hero, and even if I never see her again, I love her more than I could ever love a single person.

"That is my story."


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: _I did what I told myself I wasn't gonna do and came back to this oneshot. I think I needed closure. Oh, well! There will be one more part after this and then I'll be done. ANGST IS MY THING, I'M SORRY!

**_Warnings:_** This part is darker than the first one since Ed knows things that Alex didn't, and there will be talk of suicide and things of the like. Ed's side of things is obviously going to be different than Alex's, because they're both different people and have different opinions on how things are in their lives. Ed's pretty shattered after what happened in their childhood, and her opinion of herself is devastatingly low.

On another note, the song that will be sung later in this chapter? You all know it - I mean I hope you would - and I'm flippin' sorry for putting it in there, but I really couldn't help myself. The lyrics seemed to fit anyway when I looked them up, and that song always made me cry when it played during sad moments - like when Winry almost shot Scar, holy shit - and... well, that probably gave away what the song is, didn't it. NO MATTER!

Have fun, because I sure didn't while I was writing this.

* * *

"_Hello, ma'am. Is… Is Mr. Hoenheim around?"_

"… _Edith, sweetheart, go upstairs."_

"_Mom?"_

Every time she closes her eyes, Ed can see that man with the tired eyes and crooked glasses, and her mother's stiff back, one hand still on the door in case she needed to close it in a hurry. Ed remembers that her mom didn't close the door quick enough.

_Edith ascended the spiral staircase quickly, but paused to watch as her mom made a dash for the living room, the strange man following close behind her. This situation was too familiar in too many ways, different in one devastating one, and a strong part of Edith's being was pulling her down while another was pushing her up, one toward her mother and one toward her sister.  
_

_They were both screaming._

Ed tried to hide how badly her memories affected her from Alex. There were many times when she'd wake up crying in the middle of the night, caught up in a realm of childlike confusion and horror, but she could _never_ tell Alex about it. Her baby sister was lucky. She'd been three then, too young to really remember what had happened. All she did was depend on others, and Ed had been forced into a situation where she suddenly had to dry her sister's tears, feed her, and change her pull-ups, if Ed managed to find any real ones.

She'd only been eight, and it was a battle already lost.

_She continued on to her sister's room, shaken terribly by the sounds of shouting and objects breaking down below her. Her parents often fought in such a way, and Edith wanted so badly to protect her mother in a way she couldn't do whenever it was Hoenheim caught up in a rage, but something kept her from going back downstairs. _

_Her mother had always drilled it into her head, that no matter what, Edith was to protect her sister. It didn't matter who it was: Hoenheim, a bully, or even a random stranger; Edith was to defend Alexandra, because she couldn't do it herself. _

_It pained her greatly, but Edith entered her sister's room without a sound, practiced in the art of tip-toeing around when things in the house grew chaotic. _

Ed gave it everything she had, but she could never truly give Alex what she needed or force the memories out of her own mind. They were born heiresses and grew up as street rats, and Ed never forgot about that. Alex was none the wiser, and it deeply disturbed Ed when her sister found ways to smile and laugh when she herself felt hollow inside.

Alex was her only family, and she'd loved her to such a degree that it was damn near frightening. Literally. Up until Alex started truly talking, Ed was alone with her own inner voice, and it wasn't until Alex stopped calling for their mom when she was upset, whimpering, "Sister," instead, that Ed remembered how it felt to love someone enough to risk everything for their sake.

_Alexandra's crying had died down to exhausted whimpers by the time Edith arrived, and Edith approached her baby sister's bed even as she heard footsteps thundering up the stairs. Alex's nursery used to be Edith's, and the young girl noted how different shades of blue were now varying colors of pink. It was a room fit for a princess, unicorn plushies and frilly dresses and all, and Edith scrunched up her nose, walking over to her sister's bed in time with the footsteps on the stairs, being careful not to let on how agitated she really was._

Even at the age of eight, Ed had known that something was terribly wrong. Considering how often her parents fought, it's a miracle that Ed hadn't thought the situation normal; but even though Ed was nervous about the situation, she couldn't have imagined the outcome, or even thought to call the police. As the daughter of Van Hoenheim, she'd lived a fairly sheltered life, and Ed had never once considered the possibility that the strange visitor would end up murdering her mom.

But then again, she never thought she would be around to watch the life leave her mother's eyes either.

Her mom's screams followed her everywhere, night and day, and Ed could've been skipping down the sidewalk with a four-year-old Alex in tow and still, she heard the echoes in the back of her head. She thinks she hid it well – Alex never once worried until they were older, right before Ed was forced to leave her – but sometimes she wished she didn't have to hide it.

There were a few times when she almost broke and told Alex about what happened. She had the right to know, but Ed couldn't bring herself to bring such darkness into her sister's life. Ed was always the strongest, the one who would lead an expedition to rob a convenient store or steal from an old woman's purse, but the memory of that day had damaged her _way_ beyond repair, whether Alex knew it or not. There was no way in Hell she'd let that happen to Alex, so she always swallowed down the words whenever the urge hit her and suggested that they go looking for food money.

It broke her heart when Alex was always quick to agree.

"_Hey."_

_Alexandra blinked owlishly as Edith sat down on the bed beside her, tiny fingers curling into the fabric of her pillow. Alex had only recently made the transition from a crib to a normal bed, and she often woke up at night in a panic, unsure of where she was. "You look sleepy." Edith whispered, and Alex let out a squeak of a yawn, as if to agree. "When Mom's done talking, she'll come sing to you."_

_There was a loud thump from the other side of the door. "Where is she?" A voice bellowed, and something strange raced up Edith's spine, a violent shiver that usually only happened during the winter, when she and Wes played outside in the snow for too long._

"_Edith." Alex said, speaking for the first time. She'd lifted her head and was watching the door, golden eyes glazed over with exhaustion. Another thump sounded, the door trembling from the impact, and Edith couldn't help but flinch, scooting closer to her sister, who looked up at her, squinting in confusion. "Sister?"_

"_Everything's okay." Edith said instantly, but froze as the brass doorknob started to turn, slowly, the door inching open with a drawn out squeaking noise. As light started to fill the room, Edith started to tremble. "Everything is just fine."_

Ed doesn't think she'd be a good mother. She managed to keep Alex from dying, sure, but she corrupted her somewhere along the way, made it so her sister didn't have a strong grasp of what was right and what was wrong. Alex had been pretty soft for a street kid, and Ed had encouraged as well as stifled that side of her, because the weak didn't survive in their world.

_A man stood in the doorway, looming and panting and peering into the darkened room over wire frames. There were red stains on his clothing, a paperweight clenched in his right hand, and Edith noticed a pool of blood forming in the hall behind him. "Nina." The man said. He was watching Edith, a small, shaky smile forming slowly on his face. "Oh, Nina."_

"_Mama." Alexandra said, voice pinched as if she was about to cry. She couldn't possibly understand what was happening, but she'd never liked strangers. This new presence in her home was frightening, and Alex reacted in the only way she'd known how, calling for help, and disturbing the intruder. "Mama!"_

_The calm look faded from the man's eyes as he shifted his gaze to Alexandra, and Edith stood up, stepping sideways to block her sister from his view. "Lechery." The paperweight fell from the man's hand, and he reached into his pocket as he took a step forward. Edith watched him warily, and she almost didn't notice the glint of whatever it was he'd grabbed. "What did your mother expose you to, Nina?"_

"_Who – " Edith squeaked out, but the intruder was shoving her aside, onto the floor and away from her sister, who pulled her butterfly sheets over her head with a terrified wail as the man loomed over her bed, raising his arm high. The object in his hand finally took shape, and Edith flailed from her place on the floor, gasping in fear. "No, don't!"_

Of all the things that have happened in her life, both before and after that day, that moment was by far the most terrifying. Ed recalls being eight years old, how confused she'd been and how utterly unprepared she was to deal with it. She hadn't known what to do when that man broke into her house, only did what she would have normally done in a similar situation, but when she saw the knife, the one intended for her baby sister, Ed acted on raw instinct.

Even then, she would've rather died than see Alex get hurt.

"_Stop it!" Edith shouted, picking herself up off the floor and flinging herself at the man standing over her sister. He staggered, unprepared for the sudden attack, and Edith ground her teeth and tried to steel her expression, refusing to show fear. "Don't touch her, you bastard!"_

_She punched and kicked and clawed until the man finally took a swipe at her, and Edith fell back with a sharp cry. She landed heavily on her bottom, pulling her knees to her chest and hunching over, clutching her stinging hand to her chest, fighting back tears of pain. "Nina!" Edith felt the man's presence beside her. She ignored him as best she could, her only thought to distract him so that he left Alex alone. She bit her lip and slowly uncurled her hand, a wave a nausea coursing through her as she looked at the gash, blood dripping down her palm and between her quivering fingers. "Daddy's sorry, Nina. I didn't want to hurt you."_

"_Please, don't hurt my sister." Edith said, forcing herself to look up into the man's eyes. From his words, Edith understood that this man thought she was his daughter Nina, but Edith was too afraid to tell him otherwise. There was something off about him, something broken, and for the first time in her life, Edith was genuinely terrified. "Please, D – Daddy? I love her. Don't hurt her."_

_The man looked at her sadly and reached out to stroke her hair, and Edith tried her hardest not to flinch, though she inevitably failed. "What's her name?" He said eventually._

"_A – Alexandra." The lump under the sheets shifted, and Edith prayed her sister would stay still and quiet. "She's only three years old."_

_The man frowned. "Three? But – "_

_There was silence. The man looked at her for a long moment before Edith saw something shift in his eyes. "Yes." He said, and his voice was cold. He stood suddenly, grabbing Edith's arm and yanking her up as well, ignoring her cry of pain. "You're Van Hoenheim's daughter."_

_Edith swallowed thickly but said nothing. _

The wound Shou Tucker inflicted upon her eventually turned into a nasty-looking scar that stretched over the length of the palm on her right hand. She told Alex she got it in a fight, and her younger sister always used to trace it with her fingertips, grinning cheekily and calling the stupid thing a badge of honor; and all Ed could do was smile, pull Alex close, and press a firm kiss to the top of her head.

She thought differently than her sister, saw the scar as some sort of sacrifice or payment, because she got her sister's life in exchange.

"_Get her." The man said, turning to leave the room. "We're leaving."_

_Edith's chest shuddered with barely suppressed sobs as she nodded, wiping the blood forming in her hand on her jeans absentmindedly. She hurried to Alex's bedside and threw the covers back, staring down at her sister, who stared up at her in return, her eyes wide and shining with tears of confusion. "Sister?" She whispered as Edith leaned down, not wanting to get blood on Alex but unable to do anything about it as she hauled her sister up and into her arms. _

"_We're going for a car ride, Al." Edith said, aware that the man was watching her from the hall. "You like car rides."_

_Alex's face brightened, and she nodded enthusiastically, wrapping her arms and legs around her older sister's torso. "Okay."_

_Edith couldn't get out of the room without stepping in the puddle of blood, and she moved carefully, more tears spilling down her face when she heard the squelch and felt her foot slide forward slightly. She was glad she was wearing shoes for about a second before she noticed where the blood was coming from and all thought was wiped from her head._

"_Edith?" Alexandra asked when Edith placed her injured hand on the back of her sister's head and guided her face to her shoulder. _

"_What's the song that Mommy sings to you, Alex?" She said, voice cracking as she watched the man toe at her mother's limp body, probably checking to see if she was alive. "Do you remember the words? Can you sing it for me?"_

_Alexandra was quiet for a moment, and Edith jumped when she saw her mother's body convulse violently. She was holding a phone, slowly pressing buttons, and the man was watching her silently, almost curiously. "Let it all out." Alex started whispering out the words only moments before their mom's fingers stopped moving, and Edith clutched at her sister's body, coughing out a sob. "You don't always… have to act brave."_

Ed thinks it would have made an Oscar-winning scene, a three-year-old singing some sappy song while her older sister and their mother's murderer slowly left the scene. Light yet devastating, somehow innocent, the blood spattered walls soaking in a child's voice, restoring some of what was lost. For all she denies it, Ed really is a poetic idiot, and she really wishes her entire life thus far was just some shitty-ass movie, because everything cleans up nicely on the silver screen.

She wants that happy ending, for her sister and for herself.

"_The g – gaffiti flower sways." Her mother's killer turned her around and pushed her toward the stairs, and Edith struggled to stay upright as she slid across the floor, tracking her mother's blood behind her as she went. "No one knows who they are… losing things and – and – "_

"_Finding things in the middle of this long, long road." Edith supplied the words, clutching at the banister as she slowly descended the stairs, staring at the pictures on the walls and somehow knowing that she would never see them again. "There are days when we feel alone and feel like crying, but – "_

"_Change the pain into stars." Alex sang with renewed vigor, more sure of herself, because this was her favorite part of the song, even if she didn't know most of the words. "Turn on the light… shine tomorrow."_

_They were at the door, and Edith reached out to open it but was suddenly yanked backwards by the back of her shirt. "Don't scream or do _anything _that will alert _anybody._" The man whispered fiercely, and Edith felt the press of something sharp at the small of her back. Alex was still singing, swinging her legs happily, occasionally kicking Edith as she did. _

"_I lose my way." Alex continued as Edith nodded, and the man pocketed the knife before opening the door, stepping outside before Edith. "But we'll be together and look for bright stardust." Edith purposefully left the door slightly ajar. Her father wouldn't be home for a few days, so it was up to someone else to save them. "Let it all out."_

Ed sang that song to Alex for a year or so after that, but stopped when her sister was about four, afraid it would trigger something and Alex might remember something awful. Though she eventually forgot the lyrics altogether, Alex would still hum the tune to herself absently as she grew older. Ed had asked her where she'd heard it once, curious as to what she would say, and Alex pondered it for a moment before shrugging, smiling sheepishly. "I don't really know. Sometimes… I have these dreams where someone is singing to me. I can't make out the words, but I know the tune. Kinda weird, huh?"

Ed had rolled her eyes while Alex pouted indignantly. "Why is my sister such a lunatic?"

_She and Alex left with Shou Tucker that day and were with him for a little over two weeks before Ed found an opportunity to slip away with Alex while he was asleep. It didn't work out as Ed had planned. Tucker had taken them far away from where they grew up, and at eight years old, Edith had no idea how to get home or where to go for help. _

_She was standing at a payphone one day with Alex standing close beside her, shakily depositing coins she'd managed to find. It had been a while since they'd eaten, and Edith was starting to feel woozy. She dialed one of the two numbers she'd memorized and waited anxiously, shifting her weight from foot to foot as time wore on. Ed started to feel angry, because of course he wouldn't answer when she needed him to, but then the ringing stopped. "This is Van Hoenheim speaking."_

_At the sound of his voice, Ed tensed in fear. She'd managed to forget about it what with everything else that had been going on, but her home life hadn't been all that great, had it? An image of her mother's body flashed in her mind; she saw bruises that hadn't been inflicted by Tucker, bruises that Ed herself had seen on her own body from time to time. Yes, she was just as afraid of Van Hoenheim as she was of Shou Tucker, and she couldn't decide between the two evils._

_Her mom had told her to protect her sister. If they went back home… would he hurt Alex? She glanced down at her sister, took in the exhausted look in her eyes and the paleness of her skin, and knew that she couldn't do that to her. Alex had suffered so much in the past few weeks, was frightened and longing for a person they would never see again, and Ed couldn't bear to see her be hurt any longer. People likely assumed they were dead, and Edith knew she couldn't tell anyone otherwise, because they would take them back to Hoenheim._

_Ed hung up on her father without saying a word, glaring angrily at the phone as if it were the man himself. He and her mother had gotten into a fight, and he'd left in a furious huff. If he'd stayed, none of this would've happened; her mom would still be alive and Alex wouldn't be so exhausted and shell-shocked that she didn't even speak anymore. She hated him, was afraid of him, and she had been for as long as she could remember. _

"_Things will work out." She said brightly, and Alexandra blinked up at her. "I can take care of us just fine."_

She was never able to actually take good care of Alex until she started prostituting and made nearly five hundred dollars on most nights. The results were well worth it, but it had been a terrifying experience in the beginning. It scared Ed that there were people in the world that would take advantage of a child like that, give a thirteen-year-old nearly a thousand dollars just to have their way with her.

Over the years, she became desensitized to it, and by the time she was sixteen, Ed had no problem snapping at a customer if he was being too rough with her because she didn't really give a shit what happened to her anymore. _It's all for Alex_, she would think every time, face blank and eyes tired as some disgusting forty-year-old man lost himself within her. _It's always been for her._

Her sister was Ed's only joy in life. She'd come back from work at the end of the day and find comfort in Alex's presence, because while she'd always had to pretend in front her sister, she was also the only person Ed could relax around. Alex was also the only person who genuinely cared for Ed, was happier when she was around, and Ed was drawn to it like a moth to flame.

While Hoenheim had always been cold, their mother had poured every ounce of her love into her daughters, and Ed could never forget about it. She was starved for the affection that had been taken from her at such a young age, and she exhausted herself trying to make sure Alex felt even a semblance of that complete adoration that their mom had showered them with.

Ed ponders all these things as she stands with her hands in her pockets in front of the house where she used to live. The lights are off, and she stares at the window that she knows used to be her own. She wonders if Hoenheim kept things the same, or if he refurnished everything after they disappeared, if he tried to wipe away the memory. She wouldn't be surprised if he did. He'd never cared much anyway.

All these memories are flooding back as she gazes at the once familiar setting, and Ed would wish for Alex to be here if she weren't trying to forget that she even had a sister. The young woman sighs, reaching up to scratch at the back of her neck and shifts her gaze to the house next to her childhood home. The lights are actually on, and Ed only hesitates for a moment before she starts walking toward it, aware that she looks like a worthless punk but too high-strung to give a fuck, and she knocks on the door three times – more like pounds on it, but whatever – and settles in to wait.

It suddenly occurs to her that maybe his parents will answer the door, but it's too late to run away now, because the door is opening and Wes is standing there, long hair tied back and sleeves rolled up, looking every bit the respectable citizen she imagined he would be after all this time.

"I told you I'd visit." She says when he continues to stare at her just as he did that day when he ran into her and Alex in a town far away from here, a town that he was visiting by some odd twist of fate. "So, here I am."

"Edith." He says, and she lifts an eyebrow, smirking despite herself. "I – Wow, I didn't think you'd actually show up."

"Hey, I always keep my word. How 'bout you?"

He laughs, and Ed aches at the sound, hasn't heard laughter in so long. "I didn't tell anyone you were alive, if that's what you're asking. I still don't understand why. We had a funeral service and everything, Ed!"

"Things were complicated." Ed sighs, and she reaches up to tug at the collar of her jacket, desperate to conceal the hickey that she knows is still present on her neck. Wes watches her carefully, and since she can't read his expression, she doesn't know if he's seen it or not.

"You wanna come in?" He asks eventually. "My parents aren't home and my grandma's asleep."

"No. I can't stay long. I just – " She pauses, glancing to the left, toward the house she grew up in.

"He doesn't live there anymore." Wes says quietly, stepping out onto the porch and closing the door behind him. She knows he wants to hug her but isn't sure where they stand, and frankly, she's glad he's keeping his distance. "He moved a little while after… the incident, when Shou Tucker was tried and sentenced to death."

"Figures." Ed says. She's not sure how she feels about this new development. "You know where he went?"

"Nope. I could ask my dad if – "

Ed shakes her head. "Nah, it's fine. I just want to do my best to avoid him if possible."

Wes makes a small noise of agreement. "Where's Alexandra?"

Ed was hoping he wouldn't ask, though some part of her knew he would. Until tonight, she'd been doing a good job of pretending that Alex didn't exist, though she's come to realize that a world where there is no Alex isn't one worth living in. She sent her sister away for her own good, but Ed is losing a long-fought battle without her, and her inability to fight the memories has brought her here to her childhood best friend's doorstep. She's not even sure Wes can help her. "I sent her to live with our uncle."

Wes blinks. "You mean Roy? You found him?"

"I know he and his wife moved after my mom was killed, so I looked up his address and sent him a message to go get Alex and take her back home with him."

"What did she have to say about that?"

"I didn't tell her." Ed admits, and her guilt over the situation mounts when Wes stares at her incredulously. "She wouldn't have agreed to go without me if I'd been around."

"Edith." Wes sighs, and she scowls in irritation. She's fucking eighteen years old and doesn't need to be lectured, least of all by Wes Rockbell. "Are you living with them, too?"

"No."

"… Why not?"

"Because I'm a horrible person." Ed says tonelessly. "I'm a bad influence and Alex doesn't need me around anymore. Roy and Riza can give her what I never could." She refuses to look at Wes, tightening her grip on the object in her pocket briefly before pulling it out and thrusting it toward the man. "Here. Take it."

She can almost feel his confusion as he takes the box cutter from her, turning it over in his hand as he tries to gauge its significance. He can't possibly know the confusion that thing has been causing over the past couple of hours. "What is – " He cuts himself off, comprehension dawning as he looks at her, sees the expression on her face. "Oh, my god, Edith."

"I wasn't gonna do it." She snaps, though he isn't fooled. He can probably see how red and puffy her eyes are. "I'm too much of a fucking coward, I always have been."

"Edith, what happened?" Wes asks desperately. He clutches at the box-cutter so that his fingers turn white, and he's starting to shake. "What happened to you guys that day?"

"Tucker tried to kill Alex." She says, and Wes is wide-eyed, because his questions are finally being answered. "He would have if I hadn't gotten in the way, and after that I had to watch my mom die. I saw it all the time growing up, I still see it now, and I gave up my sister because I can't fucking control it anymore."

"Can't control what?"

"The urge to give up. I never pulled anything because I knew Alex needed me, but now – "

"You don't get to say that Alex not being around is a good enough excuse to kill yourself, Ed!" Wes snaps, and he throws the box-cutter over her head, and there's a few moments of silence before Ed hears it clatter somewhere in the street. "That's stupid and selfish and you know it!"

"Oh, shut up!" Ed hasn't felt this angry in a long time, not since Alex tried to follow her to work and she slapped her younger sister in a panic-induced rage. She refuses to lose it now and keep her arms at her sides as she glares at Wes, both of them breathing hard. "You have _no _idea how this feels, so don't even try to preach to me. God, I don't even know why I dragged my ass all the way out here."

She spins around with the intention of stalking away, but Wes snags her wrist, dragging her back up the concrete steps of the porch. "Ed, stop. You obviously came here for a reason. You want help, you do! Please, tell me how to help you."

"You can't help me." She'd intended to tell Wes to let go of her and fuck off, but that slipped out instead. "I'm tired, Wes. _Really _tired. I wouldn't even be here right now if it weren't for my hatred of Hoenheim and Tucker, because if I end it now after all this time, it means they won, and I don't want that."

"What about Alex?" Wes asks. His grip on her tightens, and he's desperate now, agitated by the desolate tone in Ed's voice. "Huh? Don't you think she'd miss you or blame herself if you just dropped off the face of the earth? Don't you want to live for her?"

Of course she does, but after nearly eleven years of continuing on with only one true purpose in life, she's tired and fed up. She told Alex in her brief letter that she would come back for her someday, but why should she? Alex will be settled into her new life by then, and Ed couldn't bring herself to disrupt her sister's life after everything she did to get her there.

"The Edith I knew was stronger than this." Wes says, and Ed is really sick of crying but can't seem to stop as he draws her in. "She dealt with a lot of shit and came out better in the end, because she always wanted to prove that she was more than what people said. Your dad beat on your mom when he got angry enough and you would always direct his anger onto yourself whenever you had the chance. You bore other people's pain as well as your own, and I'm _so_ sorry you went through everything you did, but I can't let you give up like this. You're better, I know you are." Ed doesn't say anything, and Wes adds, almost hesitantly, "If you won't do it for me, then live for Alexandra, Edith. You're really all she has. Don't take that from her."

She left Alex in that motel almost six months ago, and Ed hasn't contacted her sister since. How can she? If she sees her sister or even hears her voice, Ed will definitely cave and go live with her at their uncle's; but she can't, not until she's better and isn't detrimental to Alex. She'd ultimately decided to leave Alex because the box-cutter had been looking more and more appealing by the day, and Ed had needed some time to work some things out on her own.

Wes looks near tears as Ed slowly turns to face him, and she's struck by how much she's missed him over the years. Wes Rockbell, her best friend, the man who fought bullies at school with her, discovered her mother's body, and kept her and Alex's existence a secret simply because she'd asked him to. "I think eight-year-old Edith was the one who made me come here." She says. "You're still the only person she trusts, Wes."

He hugs her then, clutching at her so desperately it's hard for her to breathe, but she manages to hug him back, somehow. It's odd. This is the first time she's held someone other than Alex in years, and the tears just keep coming, because it's just occurred to her that she can have a normal life again. She doesn't have to keep prostituting to get by, and she doesn't have to lie to Alex about their past, which she probably knows about by now.

Ed wouldn't have been able to end her own life. Even now, she's still fighting to live. She'd been ready to do it this morning, but she'd somehow found herself buying a bus ticket and riding nearly all day to some small town in Oklahoma, just to get to this doorstep, to someone who would talk some sense into her.

And Ed is happy, so much so that she tightens her hold on Wes' neck and jumps up into him, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. One of his hands slides up into her hair and the other slides down, gripping a safe place on her upper thigh, and they're both laughing, delirious with relief and hope and something else that Ed doesn't even have the energy to think about right now.

There's a long road ahead of her, but she's ready to keep trying, and one of these days, she will go back for Alex, when she's a person who deserves to be called Alexandra Marie Elric's older sister.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: _This is the end. What a terrible, angst-riddled world I've created. But I can't say it hasn't been fun... or at the very least interesting.

* * *

Growing up, Alex always had way too much time on her hands.

With Ed always working, she was left to fend for herself, and before she and her sister started living in the motel, it had been a pretty boring existence.

Now, it's different. Alex has a room to clean and a dog to walk, homework to finish and tests to study for, and she's found that when she does have a moment of spare time, she relishes in it completely, even if she's not really doing anything.

Roy and Riza's front yard is a perfect place to relax, with a tree for shade, flowers, and meticulously kept grass that's somehow just as comfortable as Alex's own bed. Maybe Alex appreciates it because she's the one who mows the lawn on Saturday mornings, though she doesn't particularly care for the reason.

It's a lazy afternoon, which is pretty rare in the Mustang household. Roy and Riza are always on the go, Alex usually accompanying them, but there's nothing planned for today. Alex took the opportunity to relax outside, sprawled out on the grass with nothing but jean shorts and a white tank top. Her long hair is down, probably collecting grass and other miscellaneous things, but Alex isn't concerned, just wants to enjoy the sun.

The fifteen-year-old stretches languidly, wiggling her fingers and toes and grinning ridiculously at the blue sky above her. Things are going freakishly well in her life, and Alex is sometimes delirious at the realization. For the first time ever, everything is fine, perfect even, and she can't stop feeling grateful.

She's startled by the sound of a car door closing, though Alex smells the new presence more than anything, the sharp tang of tobacco smoke that she's come to appreciate over the two years she's spent living with her aunt and uncle, though she'll never actually smoke herself. "Watcha doin' lying on the ground, short stack?"

"Enjoying the afternoon." Alex replies, pushing herself into a sitting position to watch as Jean makes his way over to her, smirking around a cigarette. "And I'm not short. Nearly five foot six according to my last physical."

Jean Havoc is one of Roy's old buddies from college, and Alex had been a little mistrustful of him when they first met, nearly three months after Alex started living with Roy. Back then, Alex had been withdrawn and cautious, still adjusting to her new life as some posh member of society, but things got better along the way. Jean's like an uncle to her, maybe an older brother, whereas Roy has become somewhat of a father figure, Riza a mother. They're both overly protective, anyway, and while Alex loves them for it, it's nice to be around Jean, who doesn't treat her much like a little girl with a traumatizing past.

"Eh, you'll always be a short stack in my eyes, short stack."

Alex rolls her eyes, hugging her knees to her chest as Jean comes closer, kicking good-naturedly at her leg as he passes. "What are you doing here?"

"Gotta talk to your uncle about some stuff."

"Girl stuff?"

"Sort of. You think he and the Mrs. would be up for a double date later?"

"I don't know. Riza's been cleaning all day and Roy's out back landscaping or something. Or... _trying_ to, anyway."

Jean chuckles to himself, reaching for his cigarette before throwing it down near the petunias, stubbing it out with the heel of his boot. "I should probably go help him. Might make him more receptive to the idea."

"Good luck with that." Alex says, uncurling her body to fall back onto the grass with a grunt. "Don't call me if you need me."

Jean doesn't respond to that, circling around the house toward the gate that leads to the backyard, and Alex is left to enjoy her afternoon once again. Her stomach grumbles loudly, though she tries to ignore it, doesn't want to go inside just yet. Instead, she listens.

Roy is startled enough to drop something heavy, shouting at Jean in complete exasperation, and Alex laughs right along with the man as he offers some half-assed apology, says that Roy is just too easy to get the drop on sometimes. Alex assumes her uncle was listening to his music or something. On any other day, Roy is impossible to surprise, always listening and watching, a habit he's picked up since joining the local police force.

Riza's voice sounds from the backyard – she must have heard the commotion and came to see what was happening – and Hayate is barking excitedly as she asks Jean if he wants a drink; or perhaps an ash tray, since he's so damn insistent on stubbing out his cigarettes in her carefully tended garden. Alex isn't surprised her aunt was watching them from the window.

Everyone always seems to be observing her, and while Alex used to think it was because they were waiting for her to either crack or try to run to find her sister, she sees things differently now. They once lost three people they cared about in one devastating swoop, with only one body to bury and no real closure. Then, nearly eleven years later, the missing toddler showed up, and while the first-born child made one brief appearance, she disappeared soon after without a trace.

They're scared of losing her again, and Alex is all too aware of that. She calls without being told if she goes anywhere without an escort, texts Riza during school if she ever gets the chance, and participates as much as she can during their frequent family outings. Basically, they're all pretty much inseparable, and while Alex doesn't mind, she likes a little breathing room.

Alex closes her eyes and allows a ridiculous smile to take over her face. Everything is pretty much perfect, aside from the hollow ache in her chest, something akin to hunger pains, though she's actually learning to cope, no matter how disquieting that word is. Alex doesn't want to feel like she needs to "cope" with anything.

A shadow passes overhead, and Alex waits, assuming it to be a cloud, but when it doesn't go away, she opens her eyes, expecting Jean or Roy having come to bother her, or Riza wanting help.

"Hey." Alex's first thought is that Edith looks healthy, color in her cheeks and a light in her eyes that hadn't been there the last time they saw one another; and Alex is in awe, because she had accepted the likelihood that she would never see her sister again, and now here she is. "I came back like I promised I would."

Promise? Oh, yeah, that letter Edith wrote, the one sitting in some box in Alex's closet, the place where she keeps tokens from what feels like a past life; the letter, the knife she always kept, and the card key to their motel room, the one Edith gave to Roy, which Alex had refused to part with.

Edith shifts her gaze up, taking in the sight of Roy and Riza's house through tired eyes. Alex isn't sure how her sister managed to get here, if she drove or walked, though she supposes it doesn't really matter. "I remember thinking that you would like this place when I came here to find Roy. Better than some crappy motel, huh?"

Alex doesn't say anything – her mouth couldn't keep up with the torrent of thoughts swirling around in her head anyway – and Edith sighs, walking around Alex and toward the house. Alex stiffens, preparing herself to call out for her sister, but Edith is only settling down onto the grass behind her, falling onto her back with a loud huff, the top of their heads only a few inches from touching.

All is quiet for a moment, the only thing Alex really hears being her sister's breathing. "How's school going?" Edith asks, and Alex narrows her eyes. Her older sister had never been one to beat around the bush.

_Terrible. I don't have any friends and all the other kids think I'm cursed. _"Fine."

"Getting good grades?"

_Straight A's. I don't do anything other than study, anyway. _"I guess."

"I never really liked school much, even when I was a kid. Not my scene. You were always more eager to learn new things."

"Did you not go back to school when you left?"

Edith laughs at that for some reason, though it sounds a bit forced. "I just got my GED actually. Wes insisted."

"You dating him or something?"

"Or something." Edith says, refusing to elaborate on the matter. Not that Alex actually wants a response, doesn't want the reminder that they've both moved on without each other. "I stayed with him and his family for a while, then went with him when he moved out, but… it's complicated."

There always seems to be a complication, why Edith couldn't come back, why Alex's father doesn't visit, or even Alex's return from the dead. She'd had to undergo DNA testing just to prove that she actually was Alexandra Marie Hoenheim, as if her appearance didn't give it away. She and Edith are practically the spitting images of their father, having inherited both his blond hair and unusually golden eyes. Apparently a few dozen people have tried to claim that they were the missing daughters of Van Hoenheim over the years, or even that they new where she and Edith were, just to get their hands on even a bit of the man's money.

"Why did you leave?"

Edith sighs almost inaudibly, and Alex swallows, refusing to remove her gaze from the scarce clouds above. How can she? She'll throw herself at her sister and never let go if she even glances at her now, no matter how furious she feels. "I had some things to work out. I wanted to protect you from it, I guess, so I asked Roy to take you."

"We were supposed to stick together, because we were all we had. You used to say that."

"I know."

"Did you think I couldn't handle it?"

"It wasn't pretty, Alex." Edith says, and when Alex tips her head back a little, she can see wisps of her sister's hair. "I was a mess. After everything, I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Roy told me." Alex says, and she's so unbelievably angry for a moment that it almost takes her breath away. "About what happened, how Mom died. I can't believe you would keep something like that from me, Edith."

"How could I have told you?" Edith shoots back, sounding almost like her old self again. "Hey, Al, let's go rob somebody. Oh, and by the way, an insane ex-employee of our father's came to the house when we were little and killed our mom. That would've gone over _so _well."

"It's better than keeping secrets! I may not remember her the way you do, but she was my mother, too. You had no right."

Edith is silent for a long while, and Alex is hiccupping dangerously, pulling her knees up as she presses her hands to her face, barely succeeding in holding back tears. "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you even more." Edith says eventually. "You're right. It wasn't my place to keep all that from you, but back then, I thought I had no other choice."

"And now?"

"I still don't want to tell you. But… if keeping quiet means you'll hate me, then I'll tell you anything."

"I don't hate you." Alex says, and it's the truth, no matter how betrayed she feels. Edith left a hole in Alex the day she left, and it's been causing Alex constant misery ever since. Losing her sister had been like losing a limb. Alex hadn't known how to function without her, had to learn to live without Edith at her side, and now that she was here, Alex was terrified. What if she left again? The young girl wasn't sure if she would recover from that. "I'm just frustrated. You shouldered all that pain on your own. Did you ever consider that maybe I hate _myself_ for causing you so much pain?"

"You never – "

Alex shakes her head, digging the heels of her palms into her eyes. "You did everything for me, no matter the damage you did to yourself in the process. That's stayed with me over the past two years, you know, what I could have done differently to make you stay."

"Nothing." Edith says tonelessly. "You couldn't have done a damn thing to make me stay, Alexandra. It had nothing to do with you, so don't go beating yourself up over it. It'll eat away at you."

The truth of it hits Alex hard, that there was absolutely nothing she could've done to prevent her sister from abandoning her, and suddenly she understands. "Is that why you left? Because you blamed yourself for everything?"

The woman lying on the grass with her is quiet – Alex supposes her sister is a woman now at twenty years old, though she was an adult way before, at eleven and then again at thirteen – and Alex knows she's right. "It's not like I blame myself for mom's death. I couldn't have done anything to stop him, but… "

There's movement above Alex's head, and she shifts her gaze upward slightly to see that her sister has raised her arm, palm facing down. She catches a glimpse of her sister's scar, something Edith has had for as long as Alex can remember. "When I managed to get us away from Tucker, I ran immediately to a payphone and tried to call Hoen – our father. We could've gone home, Al. We could've been heiresses again, sucking on silver spoons and kissing ass at white-collar affairs once we were old enough. But I… I couldn't bring myself to go back there, so I hung up the phone. It's my fault you spent most of your life living behind dumpsters."

Alex is stunned. All that time, and they could've been at home with their dad, safe and well fed? She wants to be upset but can't actually find any reason to be. Edith may not think so, but Alex doesn't necessarily look back on their time spent on the streets and remember all the bad things. Sometimes she has nightmares about evenings spent alone and fights where blood was shed, nightmares that Roy has to pull her out of at least once every few weeks, but Alex doesn't let them control her life.

Instead, she thinks of the positives, like how her sister took her to public parks after sundown and pushed her on the swings, guided her hand as Alex drew shaky letters on notebook paper in the quiet corners of libraries, and taught her to appreciate the simpler things in life, among other things. If she'd grown up a Hoenheim, Alex doesn't know who she would've turned out to be, if she would've been some stuck up rich kid who used Daddy's money as a scapegoat for everything.

Edith raised Alex to the best of her ability, using everything at her disposal, and all things considered, Alex has turned out okay.

"Did Dad abuse us?" Edith stiffens, her arm falls back to her side, and Alex winces despite herself. "He visited on my birthday last year, and he gave me a picture of all four of us. Mom looked… a little rough. They both did."

"… You were born… _really _early." Edith says at length, and while Alex isn't sure why this is relevant, she knows she shouldn't interrupt. "Too early. Everyone was convinced you were going to die before you left the hospital. I do remember that much, and how every time I asked to see you, they told me no, that you weren't healthy enough for me to hold or be around.

"Before, I never thought much of it when Hoenheim hit Mom or even spanked me too hard, but when we were finally able to take you home, and the nights started to get loud again, I realized I had a problem with the way he acted. You were this tiny little thing, and I thought he'd break you on accident. So, I was always careful when he was around, and I followed him if he was holding you."

It must have been pretty awful if Edith felt it necessary to protect Alex from their own dad at such a young age. "By the time Mom died, you were still small enough to hold but big enough to lose track of, and I thought I'd lose you to Hoenheim if I took you back. I guess he did abuse us, and while I'll always hate him for it, I don't think he did it to be malicious. There was just… something about him that he couldn't control. He loved our mom so much, but even she couldn't curb the monster inside him."

Alex remembers when her father came to see her on her fourteenth birthday. She hasn't seen him since, but sometimes she finds letters in the mail with nothing but her name on the front, not even a return address. She'd thought the first one to be from her sister and opened it without much thought, though the money she was confronted with caught her off guard. She doesn't open them anymore, hands them off to Riza or Roy before disappearing into her room while they talk in hushed voices. Money can't make up for lost time, nor can it heal the wounds inside Alex, but she does feel some twisted sort of affection for the man who is her father.

Soon after the first envelope came, Roy and Riza filed for full custody of her, though there wasn't much of a brawl, not that she'd been expecting one. Her father gave her up without a fight, and while Alex felt relieved at the knowledge that no one was going to take her from her aunt and uncle, she wished things could have been different.

"I don't blame you, then." Alex says into the air. "I understand why you didn't want to go back. It's water under the bridge now, and it has been for a while. But… you could never let it go, could you?"

Her sister sighs. "I just took on too much responsibility. I never really had much of a childhood, so I wanted to give you everything. Somewhere along the way… I ended up losing everything I kept for myself, and when that happened, I left you. And I'm so sorry, Alex, you don't even know."

Alex can guess, because remembers watching Edith deteriorate day by day, slowly becoming a husk of the person she used to be. They've both been through so much, yet here they are now, two sisters way beyond their years in an emotional sense, separated by time and memories, struggling to reconnect but somehow still okay. "I missed you." She says. "It was so hard here at first."

"I know." Ed says. "Believe me, I do. It's been awful, knowing you're half an hour away but not being able to go to you. Wes always tried to make me go but – " Ed is still talking, but Alex isn't really listening.

Less than half an hour.

They've been separated by_ half an hour_ for a little less than two years.

Alex's bottom lip trembles, and suddenly she's bawling in the middle of the lawn, curling into herself in every sense as Ed draws in a breath and rolls onto her stomach, pushing herself up onto all fours and crawling to her younger sister's side. "Alex? Alexandra!"

"You left me there!" Alex wails, and Ed's face contorts under the weight of her misery, tears of her own spilling down her face. "You didn't even try to explain, you were just _gone!_"

"I'm – "

"It's different for you. You grew up around people, you had family! You were all I knew, all I had, and you – you abandoned me."

Ed is leaning down when Alex lurches up, and the younger of the girls latches onto her sister as if her life depends on it, the ache in her chest almost suffocating. "I'm so sorry." Her skin is damp, Ed's face pressed against Alex's nearly bare shoulder, and Alex realizes that the separation wasn't any less taxing on Ed just because she was the one who initiated it all those months ago. Unlike Alex, Ed had known her sister was but a short distance away. If that was the case, and yet she'd _still_ refused to come see her… then Ed's reasons had to be tragic, and Alex is afraid to find out just what those reasons were.

The front door bursts open while a screeching sound comes from the backyard gate, but the sisters can't be bothered, refuse to let go of one another. Hayate is running around them in circles, barking and weaving in and out of the invisibly barrier he's set, but Alex isn't really listening. "I'll never leave you by yourself again." Ed says fiercely, and Alex curls around her sister more, if that's even possible. "I promise you, Al."

"What the heck is going on here?" Havoc says from the fence, surprise heavy in his voice.

No one says anything for a while, and while Ed probably hasn't noticed they have company quite yet, Alex is all too aware, and she's conflicted. What does her sister's reappearance mean for the little life she's built here with her aunt and uncle? Leaving them sounds difficult, but she absolutely refuses to be parted from Ed again. She doesn't want any more trouble, but what if their family has splintered beyond repair?

"That's Edith, Alex's older sister." Riza is the one who finally speaks, and Alex can hear nothing in her tone except pure happiness. For the first time in a long while, the majority of their family is together, minus a grandmother who should be dropping by shortly, a mother who paid the ultimate sacrifice for her children, and a father who sends his apology in the form of a four digit allowance each month.

Alex decides she has all she needs now, can't imagine wanting anything other than this, even after everything; and she's laughing on the front lawn while her twenty-year-old sister sobs quietly in her arms, lifting one arm from around her Ed's shoulders and extending it toward Hayate, who accepts her invitation greedily and dives toward them, licking every inch of the girls that he can reach. She'll yell at Ed some more once the euphoria dies down, if it ever does.

She knows it will eventually – sometimes bad things happen to good people, after all – but Alex isn't so afraid of disappointment anymore, at least not with Ed this close, and she somehow knows that the feeling will stay even after Ed finally pulls away.

"I guess she's finally decided to come home."


End file.
